So, I thought in an effort to be more even handed I'd give you a little more of the nitty gritty without most of the gory details and see how that works. If the nitty gritty gets too gritty just skip it cuz I will end with the more fun stuff...promise.
Every treatment has had it's own patina; there's a certain rhythm beginning to emerge but it's not consistent from chemo week to chemo week. What does appear to be consistent over the past two treatments is that the first 3 - 4 days I just want to sleep, after they unhook the FU5 pump (I carry that for 46 hours after my chemo drip in the hospital) I almost immediately get intense cramping and about 9 days of Montezuma's revenge chemo style. The 10th day seems to be the turn around day and then I usually have about 3 - 4 days of pretty good days with more energy. Then it's back to the drip and it starts over.
There are days after dealing with the pain and discomfort that I'm ready to just "beam me up Scotty" till this is all over with. Putting one foot in front of the other gets tedious and tiresome. Avi, my sweet partner in all of this, hears quite a bit of whining on those days. He's a champ and allows me a lot of space to be a little bit of a cry baby but he does keep trying to push food down my mouth. That gets annoying when food just isn't all that interesting these days and especially when it consists of white things... rice, sour dough toast, soda crackers, yada yada.
ok...enough of the gritty. Hopefully you aren't all running from the room.
In the middle of all of this I get to learn how tough I am...pretty tough...and I get to feel how much I'm loved...quite a lot! I have so many wonderful folks holding me in their hearts and in their thoughts; it's a gift to experience all that lovin and I do feel it!!
I wouldn't ask for this journey, nor would I wish it on anyone else. However, it daily brings me back to what is truly the gifts in my life, what the priorities are and what are the petty things to just let go of. This cancer shtick is a tough teacher but there are so many opportunities to learn what truly counts in one's life. Being with the people you love, holding their hearts tenderly, noticing the bloom of every moment with each person you are with, holding your grand babies, paying attention to the full moon, the sparkle on the grasses, the sun shining on the trees, the squirrels scrambling around on the deck searching for food, the smell of spring just springing.
I am blessed with so many gifts and so many folks I love who, amazingly, love me back! Life is good and I embrace it as fully as I can on the good days and the not so good. I try to sing my song daily and experience gratitude for all the love channeled my way. Thank you ...each and every one of you for your support , your cards, your little gifts, your visits, your offerings of food (I know I'm challenging in that area)...but mostly thank you for the gift of you and your presence in my life.
I'll be doing my next chemo on Valentine's Day; 8 - 4;30. YIPPEE!! If you want to stop in and say "hi" I'm going to have refreshments...NOT macrobiotic cookies but the real thing....loves, hugs, laughs....SarahLyn
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