Good mornin my cutie...I hope you're still sleeping peacefully and dreaming of delights galore. My pain woke me up about 1:30 and I find that sitting up relieves it so emailing is one of the things to do. I'm thinking of you, wondering how Ed is doing and wanting to fill you in on our appointment with the oncologist.
I haven't sent out the generic email yet; I may wait til Friday. The doc I saw yesterday wants to do another biopsy of the liver; from the outside this time. A molecular study could be done on a larger tissue sample which would tell us unequivocally whether the liver spots are cancer. I know ...crazy huh?
However, the tumor is cancer; if the liver spots are cancer it means the cancer has metastasized. That would put me in stage IV pancreatic cancer; not the place I wanted to be. This doc is going to talk with Dr Caton before deciding for sure to do the biopsy but he's scheduled it for Tuesday in case. Whatever the results, the fight for my life is on and I'm gearing up to do some long term treatment.
The kids came over last night and we talked. They are both being as positive as they can be and very supportive. Ryan is clear that statistics are after the fact and have no relation to me as I've never had PC before and there's no way of knowing what my body will do with it. He says "statistics don't mean shit!" so I have to ignore them, get my own special mojo going and not let the bastards get me down! I'm with him.
I'm carrying as hopeful a vision as I possibly can right now. I fall into despair and darkness at times but I've decided to embrace fully the macrobiotic diet and believe that my body has the power to regenerate. I have a strong body with basic health that I have to count on right now and have faith in.
I'm gonna need you my friend on this walk for my life. I have a strong will to live and I depend on that to see me through this but I'm gonna need your love and support. Eventually that may mean taking me to chemo or fixing me a macrobiotic dish or just holding my hand. For right now it means keep the good love waves coming stronger than ever. Stay in the hope with me.
You are truly my nature guru and wood nymph. Your connection to earth and the ways that you share that with me enrich my soul and give me pleasure as well as hope. Keep sharing your poems; they lift me up. Send out strong visions of health for me to all your connections and know that I love you deeply, strongly, truly....SarahLyn
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